Two Words of Blunt Advice That Calmed Me Before My First Trip as a Parent

My wife, our infant daughter, and I took our first family trip around this time about eight years ago.

I was a mess.

Instead of just a computer bag and a rollaboard suitcase, we suddenly also had a bulky stroller, a diaper bag, and a bag with the baby’s spare clothes.

And, of course, a baby.

A baby who was undoubtedly sent as some (cute, snuggly, and delightful) revenge for the times I groused about how travel should be for adults only. Even though I’ve traveled since I was six years old. Not only did this kid have the nerve to disrupt my travel life but she’d probably annoy my fellow travelers! What if she cries on the plane? What if she causes some minor inconvenience to someone?

But we survived that first flight and dozens more. Here’s how it started.

“I bet you’re worried…”

The Crazy Flying Carleys’ first trip was to see family in Minnesota. We found a good deal in First Class. Hey, if I’m going to be a nervous wreck, it’ll might as well be in comfort and with free drinks!

We flew Los Angeles (LAX) to San Diego (SAN) to Minneapolis (MSP) to Fargo (FAR), all on Delta and Delta Connection. (Quick aside: I love the LAX to San Diego flight. It’s a gorgeous view on clear days.)

Our day started in the old, awful Terminal 3 at LAX. We visited the Sky Club where, sure enough, our baby cried.

I was mortified.

“Honey,” my wife said to me, her man-child. “Babies cry. It’s OK.”

I picked up our daughter and carried her around the lounge. I brought her to the lounge’s windows and pointed out every airline we saw and which exact aircraft were in front of us. I think that relaxed me more than her!

But she got fussy again. She needed a diaper change. Then she was hungry.

You know. Things babies do.

My wife took care of those matters while I scarfed down some breakfast. Then it was her turn to eat while I resumed my baby’s tour of the Sky Club. I looked like a wreck: I was sweating, frowning, looking all around, and panting like a dog.

An older couple sitting at one of the cafe tables seemed amused by all this. That just flustered me more. They were retired, country club chic. (Sort of an older money Beverly Hills couple, if you’re familiar with Los Angeles.) No doubt sitting in First Class and will complain about our baby, I thought. For real. This was my thought process. I’m not making this up.

Then the wife grinned at me like I was pathetic.

Don’t you have some tee time or tennis, uh, thing?

She called me to her table with the wave of a bony finger.

A Horrifying Moment Turns Into a Great Memory

I walked over, ready to get some public shaming.

“Is that your daughter?” the woman asked.

“Yes,” I answered, trying to be polite.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” she said to her husband, who agreed. I expressed my thanks, lightly bouncing my daughter up and down to keep her from not fussing. They asked her name and I told her. I said she was 10 weeks old and on her first trip.

“You’re nervous,” the wife said. “I can tell.”

The husband smiled at me.

“I bet you’re worried about people getting upset when your daughter cries and screams on the plane, aren’t you?” she asked. I nodded quickly as I continued sweating. “You’re going to upset people.”

Great.

She waved me close as if to tell me a secret. Then she winked.

“F*** ’em,” she said in a wicked whisper. (We’ll translate that as “forget ’em.”)

She and her husband laughed. I did, too, and felt relieved on many levels.

“Who cares?” she said. “Don’t worry about (other people). Focus on your family. Enjoy the time.”

They invited us to join them until we had to board. (They were on a trip to visit grandkids in Montana.) The lovely couple reassured us that everything would be fine and we’d survive. Sure, our baby would cry. It might irritate people. But it’s not the end of the world.

“If we got through it with two kids, I know you can do it with your little one,” the wife said with a smile.

I’ve since calmed down and don’t take myself as seriously.

How “Bad” is It Traveling with a Baby?

It’s a lot of work traveling with children. Babies require so much stuff (strollers, car seats, extra bags, etc). I think my bad memories of traveling with our infant and toddler daughter rarely involved her behavior. Most of the ugly moments came when I battled with her stroller. Or my wife and I were exhausted and got snappy with each other.

Our baby cried a few times. (Babies do that to tell you they’re uncomfortable, hungry, need a diaper change, or are tired. It’s usually nothing personal.) I think we maybe got a few glances from people but that’s it. Everyone else either didn’t care or ignored us. One Delta flight attendant made up his own upgrade rules and another person frowned at me before reclining his seat toward my crying daughter. (Spoiler alert: that made her cry harder. Oooh, he really showed us.)

An overwhelming majority of passenger interactions in airports and on planes were fun and positive. Many people smiled at our daughter, more than a few played peek-a-boo with her, some flight attendants who needed baby fixes were happy to hold her, and plenty of folks volunteered parenting advice (but in a helpful, wistful way).

So, if you’re a new parent (or will be) and are scared about traveling with your little one, don’t worry about what other people might say. F*** ’em.

And if I can do it, I promise you can, too.